Please God No

Michelle DeArmond (951-368-9441 or mdearmond@PE.com) of the California based Press Enterprise was asked to give a Symposium on media ethics and journalistic integrity this week in front of an annual gathering of her peers.
"Damn, what does this shit even mean," Michelle was reported as stating during a speech-writing session with coworkers.
"Intig- Integ- ... I just don't get it!"
Michelle was the lead journalist uncovering the horrifying and unconscionable acts of a 31 year old Democrat in Minnesota this week.
"I know what lying to someone means. I know what misleading someone means. I know what using someone for my own egotistical gains and self-delusional self-indulgent and selfish insights means, but what is all this ethics garbage all about?"
"This job is hard. First I have to gain someone's trust, then I have to coddle them, and then I have to shove a mop handle in their ass!"
During the past week, the blogger responsible for the "Obama Bucks" illustration was revealed as Tim Kastelein, a democrat in Minnesota that enjoys satire and quiet evenings at home.
"This was a real story," exclaimed Michelle. "We needed to gather as much information as necessary from him and figure out who this 'Mystery Man' was. I would have drank (Kastelein's) urine sample to get this story. I am glad it turned out the way it did."
As Kastelein's relatives house was raided by the media and while the sacred bond between the news story and the reporter broke down, Ms. DeArmond was reportedly enjoying her attention as the reporter 'Who got the scoop'.
"I'll never finish this speech," stated DeArmond.... "I don't know anything about media ethics or journalistic integrity."

In this weeks meeting of the Chaffey Community Republican Women's group, an apologetic Diane Fedele reiterated her sincere regret of the use of the racially-insensitive "Obama Bucks" image in the group's publication.
In the club meeting on Tuesday, attended by both club members and the media, Ms. Fedele defended her apologies as sincere and honest.
"Believe me when I say I am very sorry about this whole misunderstanding. I am sorry if I offended any of those coloreds. I am sure all of these Bootlips will understand that it was a clear misunderstanding of my unfamiliarity of the burr-headed, Double A culture. When it comes right down to it, I can not think of anyone less racist than myself. I am friends with plenty of those Geechee Mandinkas. I promise this will not happen again."
When pressed further about her apparent total lack of understanding of the situation she has found herself in, a flustered Fedele continued, "Listen, I told all of the Shadow-Smurf mud ducks I was sorry! I don't know how else to convince you all I am not racist!"
At press time the California Republican Committee had not responded to our repeated calls for clarification.

******Update 10-20-08*******

In May I drew this cartoon and posted a satirical article regarding a fake Obama food stamp plan. This article was complete satire and I wanted to let anyone reading this know that this was not a slight on Obama at all. It was a satirical look at some of the Fox News watching right-wingers out there that are afraid of a government that sponsors welfare type programs.
It was intended to poke fun at the unrealistic fears and agenda of racism that a fringe element of Republicans strongly embrace.
Evidently, people that did not take the satirical nature of the article in to account and not exploring other posts on this site forwarded my "Obama Bucks" food stamp image to their racist right wing counterparts.
So now this is a major news story.
Some dumb ass from the right wing group Chaffey Community Republican Women led by a housewife named Diane Fedele, thought it would be a good image to include in their Republican newsletter.
What a complete moron.
Ms. Fedele has stated that she didn't notice the watermelon, ribs, and KFC chicken images in the picture and just thought it looked like food.
This image was created to take to task a minority of Republicans that are racist and paranoid about someone with a different skin color. I was making fun of Republicans, not at all trying to be racist towards Barack Obama.
I appreciate all of the attention, but the people targeted in this news piece are the people I am fighting for! The minorities. The welfare recipients, and the pissed off black chick with hazel colored eyes. This "cartoon" (as described in the media), was meant to empower African Americans to stand up for and defend themselves against racial intolerance. This "cartoon" was prescribed to showcase the racial hatred and intolerance towards the "left" and it's liberal "welfare" economic plan.
Guess what? The radical right picked up this fumble and ran with it right into the opponents goal line.
The fact that a website like this exists is not evidence of racial hatred or divide, but the fact that an image taken from this website was used in a legitimate publication to promote the Conservative agenda must be proof of either existing racism or utter stupidity.


So if you missed any of the International published and televised news stories about this, I am including some links.
Fox News!
Los Angeles Times
Associated Press
Jerusalem Post, Israel
Chicago Sun-Times
Washington Times
Boston Globe
Forbes, NY
San Francisco Chronicle
Press-Enterprise, CA
Click here for a complete news search
So In case you missed it, here is the original satirical story written in May. Click here.

French mega-pharmaceutical Sanofi-Aventis' president Jean-Francois Dehecq announced it would pull it's new Heath Ledger advertisements, it was reported late Tuesday.
"Given the uncertain circumstances surrounding Ledger's death, we feel it inappropriate to continue our, '...Really, really, really need to sleep' campaign", Dehecq stated.
"We extend our deepest French sympathies to Ledger, his family, his child, and gay cowboys everywhere."
*NEW* download this image in full resolution for your desktop wallpaper!!!Click here

Heath Ledger's latest movie, "Weekend at Ledger's 3" was scrapped during production, sources close to the production crew said Friday.
"We thought about it long and hard, and decided that it would be too difficult for him to play a corpse in the latest comedy spectacle 'Weekend at Ledger's 3'", costar Mary Kate Olson said during an interview.
The latest installment of the popular "Weekend at Bernie's" series was to include Mary Kate Olson (Susie) and Michelle Williams (Katrina) as friends of their recently deceased boss who's death needs to be kept a secret.
"How can we possibly expect him to act like a proper corpse when he is all dead," Olson added. "This is worse than 'A Knight's tale.'"

Vagisil introduced it's new "Home Vaginal Stink Meter Kit", it was reported Wednesday.
"This is really an innovation in home vaginal stink detection," Vagisil Rep. Rebecca Gosch said during a phone interview.
"Vagina odor detection has rocketed into the 21st century with our new product. We here at Vagisil are thrilled!"
The new Home Vaginal Stink Meter Kit works by swabbing the inside of your vagina with a specially coated "stink stick". After 3 minutes your level of vaginal odor can be matched to a color chart that corresponds to your stink level.
"I swore I could smell a dirty sock," claimed one user, "but boy was I surprised when the stink meter told me I was closer to anhydrous ammonia."
Ms. Gosch ended the phone interview by stating, "Man dreamed of flight once... And watched it come true. Man dreamed of a device that; when powered up, could provide light to light up our houses and cities, and yes; man dreamed of one day, being able to stick a sharp plastic applicator - up your vagina - pull it out and wait a few minutes - and then compare the color on the applicator to a pre-printed color chart - to tell how bad your vagina odor was."

Local diabetic Johnny "The ragman" Sutton emerged "Happy and reflective" this week upon being released from the amputee unit at the local hospital.
Dawning his new handicapped parking permit, Sutton stated, "It is totally whacked that I got my leg chopped off because of my out of control diabetes, but I am totally down with it (excited) to have a parking space so close to the entrance of the store."
"Think about how much time I will save at McDonalds, KFC, and Taco Bell. It is hard to put a price on a limb but it is virtually impossible to put a price on a totally awesome parking spot."
Mr. Sutton also expressed his pleasure at his recent 'awesome' parking spot at the Mall of America.
"Think about how fast I can get around with such an awesome parking spot. Every piece of fried chicken and each bottle of orange soda I've suffered through have paid off.... My leg may be gone, but I will save tons of time every time I go to park my car. Losing a leg sucks, but I gained a great parking spot."
Mr. Sutton expressed great excitement at being able to 'get in line' quickly for a Slurpy and a 'Tornado' dinner treat at the local 7-11.
"I have my wife push me to the front of the line with my sugar fix, and who's going to argue with me? I'm MISSING MY DAMN LEG!!! My diabetic missing leg is totally worth it. I am now complete because part of me is missing."