Please God No

The Catholic community was stunned this week with the release of a horribly distasteful photo of Pope Benedict XVI shoveling Jews into a ditch.
"We thought we knew this cult-obsessed satan-worshiper better than this", stated local Catholic ex-cable installer Jeff Tornes. "I would have felt differently about drinking Kitten blood while chanting in tongues if I had known about 'the popes' past."
Often suspected, although never proven, the Pope's picture has been a wake up call for many American Catholics this week.
"I can't believe our spiritual leader and giver of sheep's blood and smoking incense-giving savior could do this to our people", said a long time congregation member of the Springfield, Illinois 'Church of the Immaculate Conception' congregation.
"We thought that he probably was singularly responsible for our salvation and forgiveness. We thought that following and worshiping him would make up for our complete lack of trust and faith in Jesus Christ. Now we know. He shoveled Jews into a ditch with a bulldozer... And he even wore a 'Pope Hat'!!!"
"Why would he have dressed like a pope... With a Pope hat and gold-plated robes," stated another member of the church.
"I mean, what a complete jackass."
"If he is going to shovel Jews into a ditch with a bulldozer, I am totally going to eat a McDonalds McRibb Sandwich every single motherfucking Friday from now until the end of time. Fuck that nigger."

I know a lot of readers of pleasegodno.com think that I just throw this shit together, and that I just kick back a few beers and pound on the keyboard twice a month and throw up a random 5 minute picture poking fun at someone less fortunate.
The Pope's visit got me thinking though, and I knew that I had to spend at least 10 minutes on a story for him. After all, he's the Pope!
I struggled with different ideas for this one. Of course there were the old standbys. The Pope on the toilet, the Pope clubbing baby seals, and even the Pope in a German gay porn movie. All of these ideas seemed a little sophomoric, so I settled on a picture of the holy pontiff on a bulldozer.
Here is a conceptual story board of the idea I had for the Pope article.
This proves, that no matter how poorly written and terrible it is, that I DO plan ahead. I do put at the very least a little teeny weeny bit of effort into the website.
Here is the conceptual drawing for the pope's visit.

In another cost-cutting measure, Jack Link's Jerky Inc, announced it's new standard .35 ounce beef jerky pack today.
"We feel that this is the best move for the consumer; same price, 72 ounce bag with triple resealable interlocking 'freshness connectors', and less Jerky. Our customers have spoken", aging founder Jack Link said during an interview on Sunday.
"Sure the customers are getting a little less of our wonderful and satisfying dried meat product, but for 8 dollars they are still getting a killer resealable bag that will end up on the passenger's side floor of their car until it is dug out of the seat adjustment mechanism months later."
"We used to sell 4 ounces of dried meat for 4 bucks, then we knocked it down to 3.65 ounces, and now, we are pleased to announce, our newest in our line of satisfying jerky products... The .35 ounce jerky stick in a 72 ounce triple Tupperware brand resealable sack. I think consumers are at a real advantage on this one."