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Donda West "Dead as Shit, Nigger"

Donda West, mother of infamous rapper Kanye West, was reported, "Dead as shit, Nigger" during a phone interview with a family friend on Wednesday.
The West's family friend, speaking on the condition of anonymity, also stated, "She used to be so vibrant and full of life. Now she is not... Whatsoever. She was a fighter all the way to the end. Her last words were 'I'm gonna pop a cap in that ghetto biatch (Dr. Jan Adams)!'"
"Kanye has already started working his next album, dedicated to his mother's memory. The title track, which is almost finished, is entitled, 'Are Mommas boobs still smaller in heaven?'".
"Some of the other tracks for this tribute album have also been released. 'Gap tooth hoe (gotta go)', 'Momma ain't so good at checkers anymore..', 'Call the cellphone company to change my "fav five"', and the haunting melody titled, 'Why do Black People get Tattoos?'"
"She will be missed by all. She was such a warm and caring person but not anymore because she is completely dead."
Step aside Kashi GoLEAN Crunch, and say hello to Fiber One Bars. Never, ever in my entire life, have a dropped as much ass as I do after eating these. I mean, check out the nutrition label, it speaks for itself!
I've done some research and evidently it's the chicory root that causes the gas. I don't know about all that, but I do know that the human body is not designed to do what it does after eating these bars.
Fiber One bars are yummy and chocolaty. Fiber One bars are also snacks that are forged in the depths of hell by Satan himself.
When I think back on the top ten loudest and longest farts of my life, I can honestly say 10 of them happened all at once about 2 hours after eating a Fiber One bar.
I conducted an unscientific test to see if others were affected like I was.
One person told me they farted so loud that they woke them self up in the middle of the night. Another told me that her drug free childbirth was much more comfortable than her brush with the Fiber One bar.
Terry Schiavo would have run out of the room with some of the gas that I've had.
I would be interested in other people's experiences with Fiber One bars. Post them here.

-----Update 2-11-09-----
After sending a note to General Mills pointing them to this post, I received an email back from them. At least it's cool they have a sense of humor.
Dear Mr. Farts Alot:

Thank you for contacting General Mills and sharing your humor with us. I shared the website and it gave us a great laugh for the day.

Thank you for using our Fiber One products and have a great day.

Sincerely,

Imee B. Roberts
Consumer Services


-----Update 8-14-08-----
I am obviously not alone.
Let's start posting actual recordings of your actual farts here on this thread! Please record your greatest Fiber One farts via any means necessary! (Recorder, cell phone, computer mic, etc). I will post them here! It will be a GAS! Please convert your fart sounds into any readable computer format (.wav, .mp3, etc) and email them here.
I will "pass" the credit onto the "end" user. Don't be lazy! Record your Fiber One farts!!!

-----Update 1-16-11-----
Thanks to Andrew for a great Fiber one recording mix. As he states in his letter, "...you've got just about every possible type, the firecracker, the nuke, the deflating balloon, the machine gun...etc."
Truly a great mix of farts. Click here

Also thanks to T-bone Buttstank for their recording. Click here to listen


..And one more Verizon user who stated, "fiber 1 fart, sounds like a fart machine, but this is for real." Click here for this fart.
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