Please God No

After the suicide bombing and shooting that took Benazir Bhutto's life last week, many in the media have been speculating on what exactly caused her death.
"There is evidence that her death was caused by her really, really, stupid glasses", said Pakistani area optometrist Jaspal Khan. "There has been a lot of speculation that it was the assassins' bullet. Some say it was the latch on the skylight that she smashed her head into, but I tend to think that it was her horribly reprehensible frames."
Dr. Khan continued, "Would someone go through the hassle of murdering someone with different political views? Not likely. Her frames were WAY more offensive than her stance on human rights and the economy."
"The last bastion of humanity could not tolerate or accept her as a human being, or as a chick with horribly terrible prescription spectacle frames. This is the legacy she leaves behind."
Meanwhile, many Bhutto supporters have been left finding something else to do with their time.
"Finally I have time to gather food and water, and have time to knit and crochet clothes for my naked children", a Bhutto supporter said during an interview. "I have so much free time on my hands that I lay down and pretend I am not in a third world country where radicals murder political leaders commonly and our president is not completely insane!"
About her future in Pakistan, the supporter stated, "I am sorry to see her die... But her glass frames were just terrible... I mean, like... Terribly, terribly, horrible."