Please God No

Here is a letter I received recently. It was sent to me as well as a business that I trashed online...

Pleasegodno.com Team,

I thought you might like to know some reasons why you are not getting enough Social Media and Organic search engine traffic for Pleasegodno.com

1. Your website Pleasegodno.com is not ranking top in Google organic searches for many competitive keyword phrases.

2. Your company is not doing well in most of the Social Media Websites.

3. Your site is not user friendly on mobile devices.

There are many additional improvements that could be made to your website, and if you would like to learn about them, and are curious to know what our working together would involve, then I would be glad to provide you with a detailed analysis in the form of a WEBSITE AUDIT REPORT for FREE.

Our clients consistently tell us that their customers find them because they are at the top of the Google search rankings. Being at the top left of Google (#1- #3 organic positions) is the best thing you can do for your company's website traffic and online reputation.

I found your site using Google search and after having a look over your website I think you should implement HTML5 designing and Responsive Design to make your site more accessible in mobile phone, tablets, desktop etc.

Sound interesting? Feel free to email us or alternatively you can provide me with your phone number and the best time to call you.
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Best Regards,
Ethan Lim
Asst. Vice President
(315)-895-1453
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PS: I am not spamming. I have studied your website and believe I can help with your business promotion. If you still want us to not contact you, you can ignore this email or ask to remove and I will not contact again.

OK, dude. You are not spamming. Great. You studied my website first and wanted to help with business promotion. Really? Did you notice while you were closely studying my website that I am not actually a business and I am not selling anything (not even advertising)?
Asshole.
Spamming asshole dickwad.
Not only did he send this to me via cc: , but he also cc:'d the veterinary clinic in town that I've sword Jihad on. What an asshole!
Good Luck, Ethan Lim... When you start selling drugs out of your parent's basement let me know. I am sure they will be more proud of your work than they are now.