Please God No

Former Press Secretary Tony Snow has unexpectedly taken a new position at the DOPOH (the Department Of the President Of Hell), it was reported Saturday.
During an exclusive interview via satellite phone this afternoon, Snow expressed gratitude for his new role.
"My conscious bothers me a lot less now! I honestly feel more favorably about the administration I represent here than I did during my term at the White House. I wake up refreshed knowing that all I have to do (here in hell) is lie about murdered babies and defend child rapists! This job requires way less manipulation and double talk than was expected of me working for the Bush administration!"
Probed further about his current role working for Beelzebub , Snow continued, "I lied the United States into slaughtering more than 3,000 American soldiers and tens of thousands of civilians in Iraq. I lied... And I was good at it. That's why I feel qualified for this position in the underworld and that's why I feel like this job suits me. It is right up my alley. I mean some people were made to grow crops, some were born to smelt metal into tools, some were born to program electronic and computer devices, and some were born to defend serial-murdering baby-eating shit-snacking baby rapers. I feel like I am the later."
The Dark Prince declined to take part in this phone interview but regarding their new relationship Snow also added, "Satan has been very good to me here; We play cards, talk about stamp collecting, and throw lawn darts. He even replaced my hair and missing cancer-ridden (butt hole) large intestine."