Lane Bryant (NasdaqGS:CHRS) announced it's new plus sized body bag collection just in time to help clean up one plus sized mess in their Chicago area retail store, it was reported Saturday afternoon.
During an afternoon interview with Dorrit Bern, CEO of Lane Bryant's parent company Charming Shoppes, Inc., Bern expressed sympathy for the victims of this afternoon's shooting.
"We were shocked to hear about the terrible gunning down of plus-sized women in our store. With that being said, our stockholders will be pleased to announce that we might still be able to make one final plus-sized sale to these plus-sized corpses."
"We have been excited about our new 'plus-sized body bag' campaign and this shooting has really put our new product off to a running start."
"For years, plus-sized dead women had to put up with the indignity of being zipped into a body bag that didn't fit right, or that felt constraining. With our new line of plus-sized body bags, our hope was to gain a market niche that we had not yet explored. Our new body bags are different because they are like regular body bags... but bigger!"
"With our innovative line of new products for the morbidly obese, we aim to make people as comfortable as possible no matter how fat they become. We actually manufacture novelty sized 12x shirts and slacks, as a joke, only to see sales skyrocket. It almost seems as though we can't manufacture an outfit big enough, that someone won't actually fit into. 'Free to be me', that is the Lane Bryant promise."